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A Long Ass Bangin' Buds

2020.09.27 18:35 nothingfunnytooffer A Long Ass Bangin' Buds

Static starts. THE MYSTERIOUS MAN is alone in a control room that looks like a sci-fi server room from the 1980s. He speaks into a similarly teched-out microphone.
MYSTERIOUS MAN: The following podcast is not real. If it were real, it would most certainly not be dictated by a script written by a fan. Enjoy the show.
Static interrupts the feed and changes the view. MUNDEL THE GRUNDEL starts the musical intro, some bar noises heard in the background. Patrons move around the Vermillion Minotaur as the shot pans to that very table where the human from another world, ARNIE, the shapeshifter, CHUNT, and USIDORE, the Blue Wizard, drink and do their podcast.
ARNIE: Hello from the Magic Tavern!
Mundel trills
A(CONT): A weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon. I’m your host, Arnie Niekamp. If you never listened to the podcast before, don’t worry, this one is inconsequential. About… insert time frame here, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King, in Chicago, into the magical, fantastical land of Foon. Luckily, I’m still getting a slight Wi-fi signal from the Burger King, through the dimensional rift and I use that to upload a podcast I record every week here in the tavern, the Vermillion Minotaur, in the town of Hogsface, in the land of Foon! And I’m-
USIDORE: What do you mean “inconsequential”?
A:(stammers) I-I’m-just saying-
U: Everything we do is VERY CONSEQUENTIAL!!!
A:(sighs) And I’m joined, as always, by my co-host, my bud, and my boon companion-You know, I haven’t called you guys my boon companions in a while-Usidore the Wizard.
U: I AM USIDORE! Wizard of the 12th Realm of Ephysiyies, Master of Light and Shadow, Manipulator of Magical Delights, Devourer of Chaos-
A: Spaghetti
U:-CHAMPION OF THE GREAT HALLS OF TERR'AKKAS! The elves know me as Fi’ang Yalok.-
A: Feline Zelig
U: The dwarfs know me as Zoenen Hoogstandjes-
A: Hooba-
U: Shut up. And I am also known in the Northeast as Gaismunēnas Meista-
A: Glass anus.
U:(glares) And there may be other secret names that you do not know about. Aye, names so powerfully, so profound and unimaginable, that if you even utter the words underneath your breath, if that wind passes your lips, it would cause a fervor of murderous emotions within the female populations, destroying all the homes and villages within the surrounding area until it concludes in an orgasmic raging scream. Usually lasting 5-7 days with the last days being much lighter.
A: Wh-what?!?
U: Oh yes, it has happened once before in the tourist town of Cancon. A man found out my name and etched the whole endeavor.
A: That sounds really creepy.
U: It was more dangerous than creepy. It’s not the best to be that close when those Girls Go Wild.
A: I just hope their covering themselves up with a Red Tube, at minimum.
U: Impossible! A Red Tube would be much too small. Also, why would you put these women in a Red Tube? Seems rather impractical to have a singular item to protect them from the elements. But I am not one to judge. Unlike you, Arnold. Hashtag FREE THE NIPPLE!
CHUNT: Hey, are we talking about emails already? I got a new Bangin’ Buds story a fan sent!
A:-oh, and I’m also joined by my other co-host, Chunt, the talking badger!
C: Awww yeah baybee!
A: How are you doing, buddy?
C: Doing pretty good. I met up with a friend, Mrs. Puff. She is a puffer fish.
A: Mrs. Puff?
C: Yup, Mrs. Puff.
U: Oh, how is the Mrs.?
A: Wait, not with Mr. Puff too?
C: No, she’s a widower.
U: Yes, don’t be insensitive, Arnold.
C: So, I was hangout with Mrs. Puff. She’s a sweet little lady with a little blue hat that teaches a carting school. But she’s been a little lonely lately. Coming at me pretty hard. But as a gentle-badger, I kept my boundaries and told her I didn’t want to take advantage of her grief.
A: That’s nice, I guess.
C: Yeah, but she got really mad and made a face about it when I left. Really glad I didn’t stay. Could you imagine? Seeing me as a Huffled Puff?
A: Wh-Was the story really trying to lead up to that?
C: What do you mean? I just don’t see myself as a Huffeld Puff. Although, I think I would probably look adorable in a black and yellow tie.
U: I hear Huffeld Puffs are great finders.
A: Well as long as you don’t end up like Cedric Digory.
U & C: Who?
A: It-uh-it’s a guy on Earth that turned into a vampire. And then made a series of subpar movies. Maybe one good one snuck in.
C: I didn’t know they had vampires on Earth. He should come to Chunt for Red October and we can do an interview with him about what it likes to be a vampire on Earth. You know, make him feel at home.
A: Well I hear he hates it.
U: I would too if I were him, but then I Remember Me.
C: It would suck to be The Devil All the Time.
A: I don’t think I’m supposed to know that reference.
C: What reference? He’s your Earth person.
U:(Whispers to Chunt) I always wonder if Arnold has even a small Light in that House, if you know what I mean.
A: It’s Arnie.
U: Now, correct me if I was wrong, I thought you have told us that you world was devoid of magic and magical beings.
A: There aren’t any.
C: What about those Gatherings on Earth?
A: There’s nothing actually magical about it. It’s more fun at first, then gets really sad when you spend all your money and potential on the cards and forces you to move into your mother’s basement.
U: Ah, so there are magic cards in your world.
A: I could’ve sworn I told you about this before.
U: Arnie, you tell us a lot of stories we only halfheartedly listen too.
C: Sometimes zero-heartedly.
A: Aww…
C: Hey Arnie?
A: What?
C: You’re my best friend.
A: You’re MY best friend.
Usidore coughs.
A(CONT): Oh! And Usidore?(Usidore perks up.) I like you a lot.
U:(smug) Oh, why thank you!
A:(pauses) So you’re not gonnna-know what, nevermind. Hey guys, I actually don’t have any guests invited to the podcast today. I thought we would have a classic Boys’ Night!
C: Ooooooo
U: Wonderful! It has been so long since we had a Boys’ Night here, in the Vermillion Minotaur. Let us start at once!
C: Mmmmm Boys’ Night!
A: Boys’ Night!
U: BOYS NIGHT!
C: Bing Bong!
Arnie, Chunt, and Usidore start to mumble to themselves about what to do during Boys Night. A HEAD GHOST starts approaching the table.
HEAD GHOST(OS): Hello?
C: Hey-Hey guys! Check it out.
A: Is that a ghost?
C: It is! It’s a gh-gh-gh-ghost!
A: Jinkies
HG: Yeah, nice read, Velma. Just kidding, I stole that from Archer. You’re Arnie Niekamp, right?
A: Uh, yeah. Do you know me?
HG: Of Course. I know all of you. I’m actually a new fan of Hello from the Magic Tavern.
Mundel trills
HG(CONT) : Awww. Thanks, Mundel; you’re a sweetheart.
Mundel plays vibraslap.
A: Oh, we already did a fan episode, sorry.
CHEST TRÜNKBORN pops up from underneath.
CHEST: Maybe even two if you count when the Cockticklers came to research their play.
HG: Are you even available to talk today?
CHEST: Nope.
Chest pops back down under the table.
A: Hey, we don’t normally have guest asking to be on the show-
HG: I didn’t ask.
A: Okay then. Goodbye.
HG: NO NO NO! Sorry, I have really important questions for you guys. I wanna be on.(pouts) Please.
A: Well, sure. Welcome to the podcast!
U: Yes, thank you for ruining Boys’ Night.
C:(somberly) Aww Boys’ Night…
HG: Oh, Chu chu…sorry.
A: So, um, ghost, come up to the mic and tell us a little more about yourself.
HG:(exhales) Okay! Well, my name is Metabeth-
A: Metabeth?
METABETH: Yeah, Metabeth.
U: Sounds about right.
A: Don’t you mean “Meredith”?
C: Arnie, are you man-plaining her own name? She clearly said Metabeth.
A: Well I didn’t mean it like that! It’s doesn’t sound like a name-I mean doesn’t sounds like a name I expected to hear.
M: As opposed to Arnie Niekamp? Doesn’t even have the word “Knee” in it.
U: Ha HA! Good one! Arnold, you might as well be walking on stubs since you have no knees.
M: No knees? No toes?
C: But he does own elbows.
M: So he can’t be nubs.
C: It helps that he’s not totally rad.
M: It would be fun to call him nubs.
A: Now who’s being insensitive?
M: Hey, that song is pretty body positive. And apparently based on a real person.
A: Really?
M: According to Reddit and Wikipedia, yeah. But who believes all the trivia nerds say on the internet? So yeah, my name is Metabeth. It’s Greek.
A: Wh-what? Like Greece?
M: Yeah, I’m from Earth, too.
U: Oh, really?
C: So, you can tell me what’s a Danny DeVito is and why everyone on Earth wants him to be a pi-ka-chu?
M: Dude, that’s reference is, like, two years old. What brought that up? Oh wait, first, he’s a short, grumpy, loveable old man that would be adorable to play an anime mouse.
C: So if Arnie and Usidore’s love child got lil’ squished.
Chunt uses his hands to show a compressing motion.
U: And what’s an anime?
A: Guys, hold up. She just said she’s from Earth. How did you get here? And why are you a ghost then?
M: Oh, well, about two weeks ago I traveled to Chicago and entered the front door of a Burger King-
C: Who phrases it like that?
M:-I was heading back to my car to go back to my friend’s place when I dropped my phone through a dimensional rift in the parking lot. Not sure if it was the same one as yours, but the size of the portal was fluctuating. I debated how far I wanted to go to get my phone. Started with a finger to slip through the hole, then when I felt I was ready, I put a second one in, wiggling it around until I could feel it.
U: So your phone was on a spot on the ground in Foon, a ground spot or g-spot, if you will.
M: Sure. The portal opened up enough so I could actually see my phone, but it was further away than I thought-
A: Oh, no.
M: Yeah, you’re catching on. By the time I was at a length to reach my phone. Bloop. Dead. My head and arm were on this side of the portal and the rest of my body is at that Burger King.
A: Wow, I am so sorry that happened to you.
U: I’m not. You got a good deal on a beheading. Why, here in Foon it would cost you an arm and a leg.
M: Well my arm is somewhere by the portal entrance if the asshole who closed the portal wants it. The morgue on Earth probably has the rest.
A: And you’ve been here for two weeks?
M: Yup! Two weeks.
A: What have you been doing with your time?
M: Well the first week I have been lying on the ground, sobbing uncontrollably about my death. Tried to hit myself with my own arm to numb the pain.
U: Your arm on this side?
M: No, my ghost arm. I don’t know how ghost work on Foon, but my head got a ghost and my arm got a ghost.
A:(turns to Usidore) Usidore, is that really how it works?
U: Oh yes. Remember Snaken Freshgrave? His foot is a ghost.
C: I think his foot is only part ghost, so everybody would have to cut the Foot Loose to make it a full ghost.
U: That’s right! Let us Hear It for the Boy.
C: Eyyy let’s hear it for my baybee.
A: Hey, stop Holding Out for a Hero.
M: Why bring up Shrek 2? It was subpar compared to the original.
A: That’s in Shrek 2? They made a Shrek 2?
M: Yeah, when I was like ten. You probably know it, right?
A: How old do you think I am?
Metabeth pauses almost ready to count but does not trust that any answer is right.
M: Hmm…that’s a trap.
Arnie looks incredulous. He turns to his co-host, hoping to find some sort of meaning in this response, but they provide no such insight.
M(CONT) : Anyway, this past week I’ve learned that Foon is real and I wanted to find you guys. When I found you guys the first time, it seem like you just finished your podcast and I didn’t want to stalk you for a week, so I’ve been trying to learn how to be a floating head.
A: So you’ve been waiting so you can get your chance to be on the podcast? I don’t know if I should be grateful or weirded out by this. You, kind of, effectively stalked us anyway so you could be on the show.
M: I guess. It’s a little of a “Notice me Sempai” moment for me.
A: A what?
M: “Notice me Sempai”? Like finding your heroes and getting them to recognize you. It’s like a weeb version of that.
C: Arnie, what’s a weeb?
A: What? I don’t know.
U: Arnold-
A: It’s Arnie.
U:-You are supposed to be our guide, our liaison, to the other world that you’ve come from. How can you claim that you don’t know these basic terminologies?
A: Well it could be slang from her generation. I’ve been gone for years now.
M: I guess it could be more slang that not slang. I just chalk it up to me being weird. I feel like I’m being a damper to all this. Maybe I’ll just go.
Metabeth turns away sadly. Arnie starts to jump out of their seats to reach out to the ghost. He does not actually leave his seats, just enough the bend their knees a little so the chairs make a scrapping noise.
A: No, you’re fine! You can stay!
C: See what you did Arnie, you hurt her feelings.
U: There, There, sad Metabeth. Would it ease your pain to hurt Arnie with your words like he has hurt you with his?
C: Or try to hit him with your ghost arm?
A: Hey…
M: I can’t. My arm kind of just does what it wants these days. Hey, if I can’t control my arm and it acts on its own, does it really belong to me? Is it still me? Whoa. Philosophical questions, man.
C: A real Existentialism on Prom Night.
U: I suppose there would not be any relations if the arm has sentient and independent of use. Perhaps if we can find this phantom limb, we can see if it responds to our questions without your assistance.
M: Sounds easier than hitting myself with my own skull.
A: That doesn’t seem physically possible.
M: Well I am a ghost and that reference was just for me. So, I think that’s a great place to start. Find ghost arm and you guys can teach me how to ghost!
A: But we’re not ghosts. Wouldn’t it be easier to find other ghosts to help you? Chunt, isn’t your dad a hunger ghost?
C: EW I’m not trying to set up my dad with someone else.(turns to Metabeth to solely talk to her) Um, by the way, he’s a really nice guy and very funny.
M:(to Chunt) Oh I’ve heard. Not sure if I’m ready to date other ghosts yet, though. So, um, thank you?
C: But hey, this seems like a good opportunity for us. It’s been a while we’ve been on a real quest.
U: We’re always on a quest TO DEFEAT THE DARK LORD!
C: I’m just saying, we don’t have much going on in the immediate future. Arnie even said that we didn’t have guest today. We could head out, leave the tavern, and find Metabeth’s arm.
A: You lost me on leaving the tavern.
C: You lazy shit.
A: Chunt!...(exhales)…You’re a good friend.
C: You’re a good friend.
M: Um, can we still put a pin on finding my arm or my arm ghost?
A: Oh yeah sure.
Arnie pulls out a pen and paper starts to scribble down on a piece of paper.
A(CONT):(mumbles) Find Metabeth’s dead arm.
M: Oh, and ghost arm.
A:(mumbles)...and ghost arm.
U: I wouldn’t put too much faith in finding her physical arm. It has been two weeks after all.
M: Aww…
C: Usidore! Now you hurt her feelings.
Chunt now pulls out a pen and paper and starts to scribble.
C(CONT): Now I have to put your name down for who Metabeth has to hit with her arm. Arnie…. Usidore….
M: But you guys will help me find my ghost arm, right?
Arnie, Chunt and Usidore give wearily looks and reluctantly agree.
M(CONT) : …You didn’t actually write it down, did you?
A: It’s on the list!
C:(sarcastically) Yeah, right above defeating the Dark Lord.
Arnie, glares at Chunt.
C(CONT): What?
A: It’s. On. The. List. And guys, I got a system on the best way to get all these tasks done. Every item is important.
U: Of Course, of course. We will most certainly aid you on your quest. We will always help those who need it because it is good. And I am devoted to defeat evil. FOR I AM USIDORE THE BLUE! And I swear on the conspiracy of wind, fire, earth, and birds, and lightning, and rocks, and frogs, and mud from which I was born from, FULL FORMED AND STARK NAKED, to be champion of Foon and return your missing limbs to you because that is what was right and just in this land!
M : It’s really only one arm.
A: Why are you focused on just finding your arm here? Wouldn’t you want to return to Earth where the rest of you and your family is?
C: Weird to hear that come out of your mouth.
M: You see…I never really believed in ghost until I became one. I guess I’m a little scared that if I go back to Earth, I may not exist. I mean the portal was still open when I died and I didn’t see my body produce a ghost.
C: ARNIE! The portal is still open, you can return home!
M: Oh no, it’s gone now. At least I didn’t see it open while I was crying on the ground. Such an ugly cry.
A: Well you probably couldn’t see through the tears in your eye.
M: So, yeah, no, the portal is gone. And I still don’t know if ghosts exist on Earth.
C: Yeah, I would hate if you broke the show with that revelation. UGH.
A: I love to return to Earth to-
C: No no no no, I just remembered I described your and Usidore’s love child and I threw up in my mouth.
A and U: What?
M: It was a bit and a half ago. Eyy the power of editing.
A: So, Metabeth, can I call you Beth?
M: No.
A: So, Metabeth, it seems like you’ve learned a few ghost tricks like floating in the short time you’ve been here in Foon. That’s pretty impressive, even if you’re just a floating head.
M: Yeah. It did take some time. I rolled around a lot. Got some dirt and shit up my noncorporeal head. So, the transparency was nice. Once I learned how to float, the world did open up more.
A: Have you been traveling a lot then?
M: Uhhh kinda. I was a little lost when I first came out. And no one could fucking see me for a while since I haven’t learned how to be visible yet.
U: You should see Germ then. She’s a makeup artist that can highlight ghosts.
M: Is she still alive? I’m not caught up yet.
U: Then I won’t ruin it for you.
M: Might’ve helped. I was kicked in the face a whole lot. I wanted to ask around for directions and actually learn where I was.
A: Then how did you know that this was Foon?
M: Mostly assumption. Travelers love to say “Here in the land of Foon”.
U: Ah, yes. People here in the land of Foon are known to say that thing.
M: I’m still 70/30 that this is all a dream of my dying mind though.
C: That’s very M. Night of you.
A: What’s M. Night here in the land of Foon?
C: It’s between L. Nights and N. Nights where everything ends is a twist. At first it was amazing, but now its predictable.
M: It’s a whole Shama Lama Ding Dong.
A: I had a dream that I was Delta at a toga party.
M: What?
A: Shit, are you too young for that reference?
Everyone gives a puzzled look to Arnie.
A(CONT):(whimpers)…Animal House?
Metabeth hesitates, then blows raspberries.
A(CONT): Oh god…
Arnie puts his hands on his face in depression. Chunt and Usidore holds off giving a similar aged face but are still relieved that they are not as old as Arnie is in comparison.
C: Metabeth, let’s get to know a little more about you. How old are you?
M: I’m mid 20s.
Arnie slumps lower into his chair in sadness.
M(CONT): I’m actually a little curious about you though, Chunt. You said your age fluctuate with the shapeshifting, but how old are you actually? You were born in a Foon year, how many Foon years ago was that?
C: I rather not kiss and tell.
M: I don’t think that’s how that phrase works?
C: Are you sure?
M: Pretty sure.
C: Well it might be different on Earth than it is in Foon.
M: So what’s “kiss and tell” on Foon?
U: “Kiss and Tell” is when two being, man, woman, child-
A: Don’t say child.
U:-rock, bird, elf, etcetera agree on when they were blessed by the kiss of life. Then they tell people about it.
A: So you need two people to determine an age?
U: Don’t you need two people on Earth to determine the age? At the very least it can be between the person who was asked and a complete stranger.
M: That does make sense, I guess. And not that far off from Earth “Kiss and Tell”.
C: So what’s Earth’s “Kiss and Tell”?
A: Don’t bother with more Earth stuff Metabeth.
M, C, and U: Aww….
A: Oh fine, you can talk about Earth stuff if you want.
C: Awesome! So, Metabeth, what’s “Kiss and Tell”?
M: Ehhh…I don’t wanna talk about Earth stuff right now.
C: Dammit.
M: Nah just kidding. I always wanted to say that. It’s like your “Kiss and Tell” but more actually kissing than telling.
C: Ew.
U: Gross.
M: Oh, I suddenly regret the phrasing of that statement. Can I explain it again?
U: No. It’s too late. You already said it.
M: God dammit.
A: Alright let’s take a quick break-
M: Really? You want to put in your sponsor after that mess of an explanation. It just included children in kissing and telling.
The group talks at the same time.
A: Jeez
C: Nooo…
U: Boooo
A: Well now I can’t shift it over like that. We’ll lose our sponsorship.
U: Dear Listeners of the podcast, the opinions of our guests do not reflect the opinions of the hosts.
M: So, I get a redo?
A, C, and U: No!
C: It’s funnier this way, trust us.
M: Are you sure? It mostly feels like a One Person Amateur Hour? Like you think you’re being funny but it’s really jokes you’re writing to yourself?
C: Mmmmm…no.
A: It doesn’t have to be funny.
U: Maybe your jokes are just overtly meta.
A: Okay, now should be a good time take that break.
C: I’m going to grab a drink from the bar. You guys want anything?
U: I shall take an ale, of course. Why thank you, Chunt.
A: I’m feeling a little bloated-
U: Little?
C: Feeling?
A: …I’m good with water.
M: OH! I can finally try a rainbow bowl! No hallucinogens though. Does not work well with me.
A: But ghost can’t eat anything, right?
M: Really? Fuck.
U: Haven’t you noticed that you weren’t hungry during the last two weeks? That you didn’t eat or drink anything or felt the need?
M: Well, once again, that first week is a little of a mulligan. So what things…can I have at the bar?
C: Well you don’t have to get anything.
U: I believe that during the Dark Lord’s reign over Hogsface, there may be a stash of tingle in the back. If you consume it, the that should protect the mere mortals of the tavern and take the power away from the forces of evil.
M: And what would that do to me?
U: You should be more ghostly and see your brain.
M: Would you guys still be able to see me?
U: I’m pretty sure.
M: Then I will try that!
C: Well Usidore, that will on your tab then.
A: Okay let’s take a break for real.
The scene changes and Mundel plays the sponsor theme. A spotlight shines on a single vendor, PODLEY, in fairly peasant garb ready to talk.
PODLEY: Hello, my name is Podley. I am a temporary work for my company until I pay back my master, which is a large sum. I am here to offer the services of me and my compatriots for several odd end jobs. So, if you have been having trouble paying close attention to details or difficult tasks, constantly lose things, and cannot perform structured tasks, come find us with RIDALIMB. With RIDALIMB, you can get the assistance you need with simple task like finding your way home, locating your child, remembering you have a child, cooking food without leaving the fire on for too long. We understand that even easy tasks are hard. We’re in Foon; living is hard. So, hire us. My family is in desperate need for food. Our master asked paid for this advertisement in hopes to make up for my incompetence. If you don’t hire me or any of my peers, my master will get rid of one of our limbs in order to offset the debt. Ask my master if RIDALIMB is the right choice for you. But I hope it is, and I hope it’s me.
The music stops and the scene rolls back to the Vermillion Minotaur. Arnie, Chunt, and Usidore are back at the table with their drinks while Metabeth is floating around and rolling in the air.
A: And we’re back. I hope everyone had a good break.
M:(still rolling) WooOOOooo
U: Do not worry. I will go contain her.
Usidore stands up from his chair and his hands meet up with Metabeth’s head to grab her. He brings the head down to the table and paces the head on the table.
M: Aww…
A: How are you feeling, Metabeth?
M:(sadly) I mean, I’m sobering up pretty quickly.
C: Yeah, and you went through the whole tingle stash all at once.
M: Yeah, was that really safe? It was my first time doing all that.
A: Well it’s not like you can overdose on it or anything.
M: I’m already dead, asshole.
A: That’s what I mean! I mean, realistically, what’s the worst thing that could happen as a ghost?
U: You can get addicted to it. It’s still a drug by the way.
C: I think my dad was in rehab for his tingle addition.
M: Yeah, why did you guys let me take so many at once?
A: Hey, when you say stuff here, foresight is 20/20.
C: Isn’t it hindsight?
A: Alright, 60/40.
U: You didn’t even change the term, just the number.
A: Oh, you know how bad I am at math.
U: Is that really the crux of the argument?
A: But hey, we still have a guest. Normally, we just ask how they spend their time in Foon, but since you already summed up your experience before the break, I guess we can ask about your life on Earth?
C: So is this technically an Earth Stuff Episode?
A: We already had an Earth Stuff Episode and we’re halfway through this one.
C: But it’s been decades since we did an Earth Stuff episode.
A: It’s more like years, not decades. What was the time I said in at the top of the podcast? It’s about that amount of time.
C: But we got a score to settle with the time between Earth Stuff episodes!
M: Are these just year puns now?
U: Oh, pointing out the theme of the banter. Such a millennial move.
M: Oh, OK Boomer. Wait, what’s a millennial here in the land of Foon?
U: Someone that lives within a single millennium. Easy enough. Now what’s a Boomer on Earth?
M: A crotchety, nasty old man that won’t let me do what I want.
U:(gasps) How DARE you!?!?
A: Alright, lets focus up again to the interview.
C: Arnie focusing us up?
U: That doesn’t seem right. Did you get a free sample from Ridalimb?
A: What’s that?
U: And he’s back.
C: Yup, no need to go back to the marketing for this.
U: Unless it’s for BETTER HELP!
A: Anyway, Metabeth
M: Yup.
A: If it’s not too much trouble, can you tell us your life while you were alive?
C:(gasps) Arnie, you can’t just ask what people did when they were still alive?
U: So not fetch.
M: Shit, now I’m struggling with what today’s date is.
C: It’s October 3rd.
M: Nice.
A: There’s got to be a limit to how many times we can get off track.
U: The limit does not exist, Arnold.
A: It’s Arnie.
M: I’m sorry, are we still doing this?
A: Oh right! So Metabeth.
M: Yup.
A: What was your life like back on Earth?
M: Oh yeah, so I was born in New Jersey-
Arnie, Chunt, and Usidore give a collective groan.
M: You have a problem with Jersey, Ohio?
A: There’s just a bunch of jokes about New Jersey.
M: I’ve heard almost all of them.
A: That people live there to commute to the better states.
U: And the people are Orange and full of trash.
Arnie and Metabeth stare at Usidore.
U(CONT): Are we not talking about Old Jersey?
A: No, there’s a New Jersey on Earth, and probably an old Jersey.
C: Oh, and what’s Jersey like on Earth?
A and M: It’s about the same.
M: And to make fun of where you came from, I see why you left.
A: I don’t know what you mean. Just because the last place I lived on Earth was Chicago, doesn’t mean I don’t have fond memories of my home in Ohio.
M: Well most of the astronauts came from there and the left to get away.
A: They were astronauts! They left the entire Earth!
M: SO DID YOU!
U: She’s got a point.
C: Does she? I mean the whole thing seems forced.
U: That’s true.
A: Well, we can talk about something else-
C: No more Earth Stuff?
M: I mean, what do you need to know?
C: Why are all the adults on Earth tired of hangout out with their kids this year?
M: Jesus Christ. If I had control of my hand, I would palm myself on the forehead.
A: Then you could’ve had a V8.
U: And why are people trying to flatten the curb? Surely curves are supposed to have their peaks.
M: This might be where I have to pull the “I don’t want to talk about Earth stuff” card.
A: Then now that you’re dead, what are you gonna do next?
C: Is that your “What’s next?” version for other Earth people?
M: I think I’ll settle down by the city of fish.
A: The city of fish?
U: Like Fish City?
A: Fish City?
C: Fish City.
M: Yeah, keep going.
A: Fish City.
C:(giggles) Fish City
A: Fish City. Fish City. Fish City. Fish City. Fish City. Fish City. Fi-OH GOD DAMMIT!
M: Ah HA! Gotcha! Yeah, I don’t know what I want to do. Maybe I’ll do something I always wanted to do on Earth that now I have all the time for.
A: What’s that?
M: Screenwriting. Well I guess it would be play writing since you guys…don’t have movies.
C: Ooo any stories you have in mind?
M: That’s the thing, I’ve always been an outline person. Coming up with a compelling story is not really in my wheelhouse. Same with improv and causal, lighthearted conversations that last more than 30 minutes. I just write ideas and then never come back to them again.
U: I guess you do have all the time in the world to practice the craft.
M: Exactly! Although I did explore other options. Like there is an actual science community here. I have a rudimentary understanding of math and science, and sanitation, and hygiene that I could share with this world. Prevent diseases here common on Earth and the abundance of child death. So, so much child death.
A: Yes, so much child death.
M: But, you know, I just want to do entertainment.
U: Oh sweet child-
M: I’m in my mid 20s.
U: You can use your gifts that you have acquired here in Foon and develop the world closer to how it is on Earth. But with Magic! Is it really worth abandoning this knowledge? You have so much potential.
A: I’m from Earth, too.
U: Well, you have such little potential.
M: And I do have a plan when I’m here longer. I still need to grasp how to grasp things as a ghost. I plan to go to that science center, write down small tidbits of science on a piece of paper, put that paper in an envelope, and write down “magical revelations” on it. That should confuse the shit out of them.
Chunt finishes his drink loudly. A ghost of the drink starts to float up.
M(CONT): Oooooo can I drink that?
C: Yeah, go ahead, it’s a ghost after all.
M: SERIOUSLY?!
Metabeth rushes to the ghost drink and tries to chug it like there’s no tomorrow.
A: Chug chu-oh she’s already finished.
C: Damnnn
M: I MISS BEER!!
U: Don’t get too overzealous about it or you’ll be forced to go to AA.
A: AA?
U: It is-uhhh-Ad-Adventurers in Abbeys.
C: Yeah, that’s when you go to an abbey drunk, find a pipe, and collect all the coins and mushrooms.
U: And you can’t return to the surface until you sober up.
A: Do you get to keep the coins and stuff?
C: Only if you make it back to the castle. You will have to start over if you trip or fall or get hit by a hammer.
U: Unless you ate one of the mushrooms beforehand.
A: And which castle would you have to return to?
C: I’m pretty sure it’s the castle with the peaches. Oh, and it has a flagpole you have to touch.
U: Try not to be on the adventure during the wintertime. I knew someone who got their tongue stuck on it.
A: Why would you use your tongue?
U: It wasn’t me. It was Chris.(sinisterly) I dared him to do it.
C: I know this. This is A Chris-Must Story I have to hear every year.
U: I tell it all day at Tavern Be Salty.
C: The TBS?
U: That’s the one.
C: Well, I know what I’m doing next Chris-must. Arnie, you should come with.
A: Well I would like to B-B with you, but I might shoot my eye out.
M: Booo
A: You better be practicing your ghost.
M: Sure, why not.
Mundel trills
A: So guys, this would be the time that I would read out the emails sent to us. As always, you can reach me at [email protected], yes it’s a real email address. And you can continue to email all of us there, but right now I don’t have any emails to read out today.
U: Really?
A: Yeah, don’t read too much into why I don’t have any. Hopefully, we’ll have more emails to read next podcast.
C: Wow, you didn’t come prepared for a guest, you don’t have any emails, you ruined Boys Night-
U: Actually, Metabeth ruined Boys’ Night.
M: Still here by the way.
U: You heard me.
M: You wanna fight, mate?
U: What’s with the accent all of a sudden?
C: I think Metabeth is still on that tingle buzz.
A: Tingle. Not Even Once.
C: Well sure, mortals will die when they take it.
Chunt shuffles some papers around to find his emails.
C(CONT): Luckily for you guys, I have an email with me. You can email me at [email protected]. That is Chunt with six T’s. You can also reach me at chuntttttt, also with six t’s, on Twitter.
U: And you can reach me on Twitter at usidoretheblue.
C: Okay, the email is from OP: “Hi Chunt, Arnie and Usidore. I started listening to you guys around the beginning of September 2020. I was the one that asked you to bring Clayton and Chris from Hell to be on the show.-“
U: Who are they?
C: Baby don’t know. I guess people from Hell she wants you to summon.
U: Well if they are evil, they will go back to the depths where they belong.
C: Alright, okay. Um: “I’m not sure when you read these emails, so I wanted to give a frame of reference…. besides the timestamp of the email, I guess. Anyway, around halfway of my binging of Season 2, I started to write a fan fiction script. Note: I am not a writer, this is still a #philthevoid type of amateur content, but I hope that when you read this, you’ll get a good chuckle on the overload of meta jokes and how much fans, even recent ones, appreciate what you do. Even if you can’t read any of this on the podcast, I’ll see if I can put the full form on reddit! Hopefully when you read this, I’ll be completely caught up to the whole series. I’m excited to see what you guys do next. All the Best, OP” And then there was a Bangin’ Buds attached, and oh boy, it’s a fucking novel.
A: Let me see?
Arnie takes the papers, including the script from Chunt.
A: Holy shit, how fucking long is this?
U: It seems to be the length of a standard podcast episode.
M: Or at least an attempt to be. One pages doesn’t necessarily equal one minute. Even during edits, you can’t really gauge how long scripts could be.
U: Spoken like a true novice of the art of writing.
A: Is there even a bit you can read off?
C: Well, I started to try to find something we can say, but the beginning is weird: “The Mysterious Man is alone in a control room that looks like a sci-fi server room from the Earth’s 1980s. He speaks into a similarly teched-out microphone. The Mysterious Man: The following podcast is not real. If it were real, it would most certainly not be dictated by a script written by a fan.” Like why include this “mysterious man” in the first place?
U: That is strange.
A: Well we do get some emails directed to him. I always thought that people were referring to another podcast but maybe she included that part so we don’t confuse it with a transcript of the podcast.
U and C: What’s a transcript?
A: Oh geez…um okay, it’s like if someone took our words and wrote everything down from start to finish.
C: Like every time I say “Baybee. Making Baybee. Nasty boi”?
A: Uh, yeah. If you said it would be written out for other people to read.
U: Wait, we do have that here in the land Foon, but you really think someone is listening to the words I speak at this very moment and writing each individual word?
A: Yeah, that’s how it works.
U: Waste of time, but okay.
Usidore creeps up to the podcast equipment as if to sneak up to the mic.
U(CONT): Dear listener on the other side of the microphone. I am not sure why you wish to write all that I speak, but do not be misguided FOR ONE SECOND that you can control me with your words. STOP. YOUR. RECORDING. STOP IT! I alone dictate my words and you cannot predict anything for you are, most likely, a powerless human with nothing special about you. I am a wizard of awesome power that CANNOT BE CONTAINED! For this magic you are performing, this Dark Magic, must not continue whist the Dark Lord ruins amuck in all dimensions. Try to stop me with these words. Pineapple. Storks. The ale filled with spiders. Dicks and Balls. Squizzle nugget. Moist. Dosodorph. Hungry, Egg shells
Usidore shifts his tone from his threatening voice to his sensual recipe reading voice.
U(CONT): Ham Sandwich. Slow dried Jerky. Deviled eggs, seasons with the most exquisite spices. Carefully laid on top of some crisp lettuce and carrots. Served cold with a side of rooster feet imported from Fingeria. And smothered wit-
Arnie snaps his fingers in front of Usidore.
A: Usidore! Usidoore!
C: I think he’s in the Recipe State again.
U: Uh UH AH! Ah, what was I saying?
A: I think it was just random nonsense.
U: Do you think the audience could follow that?
C: Usidore, we couldn’t even follow that if we tried.
U: Ah, good. Suck on that TRANSCRIPTOR!
M: OH, I almost forgot! Usidore! I have a secret name for you from Earth!
U: I would like to know one of these names.
M: The average human knows you as Matt Young.
U: I will add it to the list.
M: Just only use it when you want one less wall.
A: Alright, so Metabeth, thank you for being on the show.
M: Yeah, thanks for having me.
C: Maybe we’ll see you again and help you find your ghost arm.
M: Ehhhh, it might be a one-time deal. But hey, I’m always open for if you need me. Well….kinda. Maybe I’ll figure out this ghost thing first.
U: You should also find the Cockticklers to collaborate with them and train yourself to the art of playwriting.
M: Even I’m just a head, I can probably still be a good Cocktickler.
C: They could benefit from a good head.
U: Just try not to use too much teeth.
M: But I can still use my tongue, right?
A: Oh God Dammit.
The scene zooms out from the table. Mundel starts to play the outro, but static cuts in and shifts the scene back to the bunker. Different blips and bloops are played in the back and we focus on the Mysterious Man again in his broadcast room again.
MM: Well isn’t that a fan’s wet dream. Ugh, I’m so glad I don’t have to humor that dribble anymore. You can even tell that the script was just a random stream of thought. But then again, that makes it no different than the garbage made from the improv nonsense we’re all used to by now. Arnie Niekamp was played by Arnie Niekamp, because I don’t mention it enough that all of this is even faker than it usually is. Usidore the Wizard was played by Matt Young, who wasn’t sure any of his monologues was long enough. Chunt the Shapeshifting Badger was played by Adal Rifai, which the screenwriter had to look up to make sure his name was spelled right. It’s easy, it’s R-I-then you let google autofill the rest. Metabeth the Head Ghost was played by Special Guest OP. She wrote the entire script instead of studying for her licensing exam. Shame on you! She doesn’t really have any sharable social media in fear that she will fall back into depression when she sees all her friends are having fun without her. Podley is played by whoever wants it. And Chest Trunkborn was briefly played by Travis McElroy, in hopes we can get two snip bits from him. It also says the Mysterious Man is played by Tim Sniffen, but I play myself. Go back and fact check your actors. Produced by Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal Rifai. Edited by No One since OP does not believe in the concept in proofreading. Theme music by Andy Poland. Logo by Allard Lamban. Whew. One fan script down, about hundreds more to go. Have any of these newbies taken an English Class in their life?
Static shifts to Mundel starts to play the outro music again.
submitted by nothingfunnytooffer to magictavern [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 07:11 jurisnaeth [H][US][Illidan]

Nefarious Exiles is a month-old guild looking to recruit players from all backgrounds. Casual, new, and competitive players are welcome. Background: - We're a small group of friends who came from an old guild. We separated from our old guild due to disagreements and drama. Leadership is composed of raiders, M+ pushers, and PVP'ers. - We're officially 8/12H on Raider.IO but 12/12 unofficially due to roster count when we did our first raid as a guild a week after we founded it. - We're all working adults in this guild, so weekdays are probably going to be quiet but weekends will be popping off with a lot of people.
What can we offer to you?
Heading into Shadowlands, the guild envisions an environment that accommodates the casual and competitive player.
Here's what we have in store for the new expansion:
- Weekday and weekend raids, depending on availability. We have 2 raid leaders right now who're looking to run day-time and night-time raids.
- Consistent pool of players looking to do content, be it Mythic dungeons, PVP, achievement runs, and so on.
- PVP/PVE or class-based coaching, specifically designed for newer or returning players who've skipped a few expansions.
- An active Discord server designed to enhance the community experience. Voice-comms, memes channels, and official WoW updates can be found on our Discord server.
- Opportunity to lead. We're open to promote players who step up to represent the guild or to carry out various guild activities that help players and the guild itself grow.
Requirements for joining
- No level requirements for joining.
- No IO requirements for joining.
- No PVP rating requirements for joining
- Must be chill, friendly, and fun to be with. We don't condone racism, sexual harassment, and any form of verbal abuse of any kind.
How do you join?
- Find us on Guild Finder and look up Nefarious Exiles. Click on Join and state that you found us on Reddit. I will tend to your guild invite as soon as possible.
- You can send me a message on Discord: snarlmkiv#3000
- You can reply to this post and I'll try my best to get in touch with you.

Hope to see you in my guild.
Sincerely,
Jandrenisse
submitted by jurisnaeth to wowguilds [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 06:48 CaptenMurica Just Curious, what is your age?

I always see people on friend finder saying things like [Adults Only] and now I’m curious as to what age range this game is
View Poll
submitted by CaptenMurica to AmongUs [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 20:13 seoexpert129 Where to find a unicorn woman into threesome

Finding a unicorn woman is so easy nowadays because of the internet. Unlike before, whereby you were required to look for them manually. Unicorns are all over. It’s up to you to make an effort to look for one through the various dating sites. There are various unicorn dating sites, but it is good if you find them through the dating sites specifically meant for them. Using these dating sites helps you find them much easier without struggling a lot because that is there site, and they are there all the time. They are also in need of someone that is why they won’t fail to be on those dating sites. When finding a third person for a threesome, take your time so as to find a great person; not everyone on this dating site has good intentions as you. Below are some of the well-discussed dating sites that will lead you to find your match. The sites are wonderful and are specifically meant for unicorns. 3some Dating Online Is a dating site specifically meant for bi couples who are in search of women seeking couples and unicorn women? It has over 1.4 million people, and finding a unicorn here is very much easier. Bi Cupid It is one of the largest dating sites with bi-curious and bisexual couples. Bi Cupid is ranked as the best unicorn dating sites so far for unicorns. Unicorns are available in these sites, and they are very many; unicorn hunters should not worry because this site is meant for them. Adult Friend Finder This is one of the dating site with the largest number of members, a lot of couples in need of a unicorn use this site as it has a lot of unicorns. It is almost similar to bi Cupid, the only difference being adult friend finder has a lot of features like model shows and live webcams.
submitted by seoexpert129 to u/seoexpert129 [link] [comments]


2020.09.22 12:21 TheRealNathanIsMe Back To Bedrock [Semi-Vanilla] [SMP] {Java} {Mature 18+} {Whitelisted} {Community-Driven} {1.16.3}

Hello, and thank you for your interest in the B2B server
If you are an adult looking for a place to relax and enjoy Minecraft without childish behavior ruining the experience, welcome! With that said, we expect practical jokes, pranks and the like to be played. If you are overly sensitive, then this isn't the server for you.
About the server The server is based out of France (Gravelines) and provided by our own dedicated server. We are a Java server running the latest PaperMC with a few changes in order to bring it back as close to the original vanilla as possible while maintaining many of the benefits of running Spigot. This is a randomly generated survival map, with a few plugin concessions made only to facilitate administration, grief prevention and overall community integration. The game difficulty is set to hard and PVP will be enabled with the intent that it is used for consensual purposes and not griefing.
What kind of players are we We are all adult players with normal lives who just happen to like Minecraft because it is relaxing and fun. We understand that people come and go, that motivation goes up and down. We joke and laugh and respect each other. We also try to get together regularly (on Discord) and do things together in game (minigames, base tours etc). The current average age is well above 25 at the moment.
What kind of server is this We promote a low stress community atmosphere, where we can take our time, think before we act, and have fun together! We respect each other and our differences. We act and communicate responsibly and take responsibility for our actions in game. It is a server free from griefing, thieving and moderators. We want you to help us make a tight knit community of fun-loving Minecrafters.
Game altering features: ✔️ TreeAssist (toggleable). ✔️ Enderman do not pick up blocks. ✔️ Ender Dragon drops Elytra and Egg. ✔️ Husks have sand on their drop table. ✔️ Worldborder with a 10,000 block radius. ✔️ Fire spread from lightning is turned off. ✔️ Shulkers will drop 2 shulker shells upon death. ✔️ Mobs have a slim chance of dropping their head. ✔️ Ability to rotate and edit the parts of an armour stand. ✔️ Drowned have a very slim chance of dropping a trident even if not wearing one. ✔️ Trash items have a despawn timer of 2 minutes to prevent excessive ground items. ✔️ Loot inside Treasure chests will respawn between 12 hours and 2 days (one person can only loot once).
Light-weight add-ons: ✔️ 3 hour AFK limit. ✔️ Slime chunk finder. ✔️ Single player sleep. ✔️ An online world map (Dynmap). ✔️ Discord integration (chat with people in game from Discord).
Things we most likely will never implement: ❌ MCMmo. ❌ Landclaiming & container protection. ❌ Teleporting & warping. ❌ Setting homes.

Here are some simple criteria for being accepted:

Things that DO NOT matter:

Things that DO matter:

We have a strict zero tolerance policy, players doing any of these things will be removed from our community permanently. We don't want our members feeling cheated or abused, so we aren't going to lower the bar just to keep a person around. Recognizing a fine line however is important. I am specifically talking about pranks and jokes. We have many on this server now who like to welcome new players with some practical jokes - the end state of course being that you conducted yourself admirably through it all and you end up rewarded.
 
Server specs: • We dedicate 10GB of RAM to the server. • We have a 1TB SSD memory. • We use a GigaBit connection with an unlimited amount of bandwidth.
All this will ensure people all around the world can expect no lagg while playing on our server!
 
To apply, fill in the following and post it.
1. Age: 2. IGN: 3. What brings you to our community? 4. What are some of your goals for this server? 5. What type of player are you? 6. Tell us a little about yourself. 7. IP: play.backtobedrock.com 
Lastly, do yourself the favor of getting Discord and really becoming a part of the community. The people here are friendly, and will be happy to give you a tour of things on the server. The link to our Discord server will be given in game because we only want actual players on the server.
 
No Reddit account? Apply here.
submitted by TheRealNathanIsMe to mcservers [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 20:39 saturnloopcom Top 10 best fishing equipment recommendations(1)

As a fishing enthusiast, how can we catch better fish? In addition to technology, it is very important to have a good set of equipment. Below we recommend the top ten best fishing equipment to make our fishing trip more enjoyable.
1.cana pesca spinning
Spinning Rod 1.91M Power: UL Lure WT.: 0.6-8g Line WT.: 2-6LB Closed Length:98.7cm Spinning Rod 1.98M Power: UL Lure WT.: 0.6-8g Line WT.: 2-6LB Closed Length:103cm Casting Rod 1.98M Power: UL Lure WT.: 0.6-8g Line WT.: 2-6LB Closed Length:98.7cm Casting Rod 1.98M Power: UL Lure WT.: 0.6-8g Line WT.: 2-6LB Closed Length:103cm Sections:2 Sections Lure Rod
📷
Product Description:
  1. Solid carbon rod tip, increase the pulling force, strengthen the carbon body, more sensitive 2. High strength and durable reel seat provides a solid base for both spinning and casting 3. High density and lightweight feel. 4. Two section rod, easy to carry. UL soft tuning makes the fishing rod more sensitive and feel better 5. EVA handle is more non-slip, strong and durable.
📷📷📷📷📷📷
Note:
Dear customers, due to the different customs regulations of various countries, there is a certain probability of customs deduction. We have reduced the Customs declaration amount, but it may still be customs deduction. If your package is detained and customs duties are borne by you, please also actively contact the customs for customs clearance.
2.Portable Sonar Fish Finders
1) Display: 2inch TN/ANTI-UV LCD 2) Back lighting: White LED 3) Depth Capability: 328feet(100m) 4) Power Requirement: 4xAAA alkaline batteries(not included) 5) Waterproof design: level-4 (spray-water-proof) 6) Show water depth, fish location, and bottom grass & rock 7) User selectable sensitivity,depth units, and fish alarm setting 8) Operational Temperature: 14degF to 122degF(-10degC to 50degC)
📷📷
Please put the cable transducer in fishing spot.
📷
The monitor displays information from sonar sensors that detect water and fish.
📷
The transducer can detect water up to 100m,and beam angle 45degree in 200khz.
📷📷
1.Sensitivity indicator 2.Battery save on/off 3.Fish alarm on/off 4.Set up key 5.Battery strength indicator 6.Water depth indicator 7.Backlight on/off 8.Fish depth indicator 9.Enter key 10.Power On/Off
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1.Float 2.Transducer 3.Cable
📷📷
Different fishing ways:
1.Night Fishing Probe 2.Turbid Water Probe 3.Ice Fishing Probe
Attention:
1.Kindly remind that FFC1108-1 has only wired mode, and you cannot match the sensor and monitor randomly. 2.​Use fish finder in smooth and hard place (like water tank, swimming pool, water bucket, or fish pond) will cause repeatedly sonar reception, or the the detection can be inaccurate. Please use fish finder in outdoor deep water. 3.The monitor cannot display the size of the fish. 4.Manual:English/German/Russian/Japanese
3.Hanging Fish Hook Balance 50kg Electronic Scale Luggage LCD Screen Handheld Household Tool Fishing Weighting Digital Display
Features: The digital fishing scale with 50KG capacity, LCD screen displays weight in LB,JIN, OZ, KG. Small size and lightweight, making it convenient to carry and used. This electronic hanging scale is weighing tool for home. Its simple and reliable user-friendly design makes it easy to weigh suitcases, purses and backpacks on the fly. It as well as a great assistant for outdoor sports such as traveling, shopping, fishing etc.
Specifications: Material:ABS Color:Gold/Black Size:Approx.5.7x2x11cm(except hook) Hook length:8.8cm LCD screen size:Approx.3.3x2cm Unit: kg, lb, JIN, oz Weighing unit: 1kg=2JIN=2.2 lb=35.3oz Error range: 0-10 kg inner scale is automatically adjusted to: accuracy 5 g; 10-50 kg inner scale is automatically adjusted to: accuracy 10 g Power by: 2 x AAA batteries(not included)
Package included:1pc x Electronic Scale
Note: 1. Due to the light and screen difference, the item's color may be slightly different from the pictures. 2. Please allow 0.5-2 cm differences due to manual measurement.
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📷📷📷📷📷
4.Convenient Retractable Stool Easy to Carry Outdoor Stable Stool Folding Camping Stool Fishing Chair Support Adults Safe Enough
Fearute:
The stool is easy to carry,and Height adjustable,you can put it in your bag.it can use for hiking,fishing ,caming.Suitable for children and adults
Package included:
1*Retractable Stool
How to Ues:
1.Put your fingers in the holes on both sides. 2.Stretch on both sides then rotate and fix
📷 📷 📷 📷 📷 📷 📷 📷 📷 📷 📷 📷 📷 📷 📷
5.Woodworking 480mm(18.9'') Heavy duty Manganese Survival Wire Saw Camp Hike Outdoor Hunt Fish Tool Cut Cutter Wood Forest Serra
100% brand new and high quality
Used as outdoor camping hiking survival tool, can be sawn wood, plastic, bone, rubber and soft metal, etc. Sharp saw blade can be easy to use
Portable and lightweight design can be convenient for carrying with
Ferro-manganese material can be stable and durable, please keep the chain saw clean after use
Item Type: Chain Saw
Material: Ferro-Manganese
Application: Outdoor Camping Hiking Survival
Working Mode: Manual
Total Length: 48cm/18.9in
Color: Black
Package Included: 1* Chain Saw
📷
📷📷📷📷📷
submitted by saturnloopcom to u/saturnloopcom [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 19:24 shadowkhaleesi [XBOX][NA] Join the Greyish Manes!

[XBOX][NA]
GREYISH MANES
A gummy bear, avocado, and bitmoji walk into a bar. And the rest is history!
Welcome to Greyish Manes - a casual, social, adult (21+) gaming community that loves to talk about anything from ESO builds and theorycrafting, to the correct way to build a taco (note: the aforementioned avocado is a touchy subject). We are based on the principle of "Play Your Way". This means no matter what play style you prefer, whether you enjoy the rich lore, optimizing your toon for end-game vet trials, or just want to relax and go fishing with friends - you will find something here for you. And we’re all adults here, so we know that first and foremost, real life always comes first - no judgement. This is our guild, but it is your experience. We foster a casual, respectful environment - and look forward to having you join us on our adventures (which may or may not include running off a cliff en masse in Wrothgar… )
We currently have over 300 members and growing fast!
Weekly Events
Join Us On Discord
In-game, find us in the guild finder, or send us an in-game mail for an invite:
Shadowkhaleesi
sonicXruns
RedHawthorn
submitted by shadowkhaleesi to ESOGuilds [link] [comments]


2020.09.17 22:32 DataSevere1503 My [49M] new Fiance[47F] confessed to being in an open relationship and other things and my poor reaction to this has caused honesty issues. I need some perspective from others.

TL;DR My [49M] old friend, new fiance [F47] confessed to things she did during and after a 7 year "open relationship" (threesomes with strange men, secret sex with married men while socializing with his clueless wife, sex with handicapped/disabled patients etc.) with her last BF[M49] and I was blown away and a bit upset, now she won't tell me anything and lies a whole lot because she doesn't "want me judging her." Now we have no trust and future looks bleak.
My apologies in advance, this is a lot... We're both late 40s professionals and parents. So I've known this woman since High School but after that we each got married and went our separate ways only to meet up years later at work. I work in and around a hospital where she and I are healthcare workers so we would always say hi and chat from time to time. We both went through ugly divorces nearly 10 years ago and at that point she started dating a patient about her age when he was discharged from the hospital after an accident. They seemed really happy, her FB feed was always her bragging on how much she loved this guy and how she was so lucky to have him etc. Fast forward to last summer and when I saw her she told me she had broken up with him because he was being inappropriate with her early 20s daughter. Anyway we started going for walks during our lunch hour and hanging out for a couple of weeks and then we started dating. I really enjoy being around her and we have a good time together. We seemed like a great fit and so after only a few months I proposed to her.

Then one night while we were having sex she says "so have you only had vanilla sex?" This stops me in my tracks and I really didn't know how to answer her. I said I've not had threesomes or done any extremely kinky stuff, is that what you're talking about? She says "No I'm just talking about teasing and tying each other up and stuff." Then she under her breath adds "I've got the threesome thing out of my system." So now I'm curious and I asked was it with another woman and she says no, two men. I said but you got married right after HS and you've only dated one guy since your divorce right? She said her ex boyfriend and her had an open relationship and that they had an advertisement on an adult "friend finder" website and she would have sex with total strangers and he would video tape it and join in at some point. I'm not the most conservative person in the world but this was so shocking to me I couldn't believe it. She was always so quiet and shy and from all appearances very reserved. It just seemed so out of character for her. That's when I realized I obviously didn't really know her as well as I thought. I asked if this was something that was his idea or was it hers. She said he suggested it early in their relationship and she was down because she thought it sounded exciting, but after that she arranged things herself. I was even more shocked when I learned that not too long before the breakup, she'd secretly had sex with a married man and this was all her doing and her boyfriend wasn't involved. His kid and her kid were in a High School activity together and the parents had to volunteer and help and she met him (and his wife) through that. His wife was unaware that she had recruited him for this task and that he had visited her on his day off and carried it out. I found this really troubling.

I know it's a universal rule that you aren't supposed to let a person's past effect your current relationship with them but this was a lot to process. I looked on FB and he and his wife were still right there on her friends list. I asked "didn't that make it very awkward when you had to face him and his wife at the school events?" She said "no not really, you just put it out of your mind." So now I'm really wondering who is this person and how is she the same seemingly nice, kind, polite person I fell in love with? She's also confessed that back in the two weeks we were talking before officially dating she was having sex a couple times a week with one of her handicapped (can't walk without a walker) patients. She said she had to end it with him because he started "liking her" and wanting to date. She said he was "furious" when she ended it and she was afraid he would tell her employers so she told them first that he was harassing her and then he had to find another doctor. So in summary I'm troubled by the fact that she likes to have sex with other men while she's in love with another. I'm troubled more that she would have sex with a married man she was in the same social circle with and I'm troubled by the fact that she has sex with patients and throws them under the bus by claiming she's harassed. Currently she lies to me almost constantly and when I call her out on it she says she lies to me because she knows "I'll judge her" if she tells the truth. All because I was honest and open with my disapproval of these things she's done. I still love her and I enjoy being around her, she says she loves me and wants to make it work but I'm growing skeptical. I don't want to worry about her secretly arranging sex behind my back and I know she'd never admit it if she did. She says that I'm the only man she wants but after the lies I don't think I can believe her. If I trusted her completely this would be easier to deal with but I know I can't. She lies to me almost once per conversation. I can't really talk to anyone at work or mutual friends about it without risking messing up people's lives so I thought I'd throw this out there and see what thoughts, advice and observations I get.
submitted by DataSevere1503 to relationships [link] [comments]


2020.09.16 03:32 fmdmlvr How can I find a fuckbuddy?

Hi there! I’m 27M living in the US (for context). I’m trying to find a fuckbuddy but I’m having absolutely no luck. I’ve tried tinder, bumble, okcupid, adult friend finder, kinkoo, etc and nothing seems to work. In fact some of those sites have way more scammers than profiles of people looking for one. Am I doing something wrong? What should I do differently? Am I just that ugly?
submitted by fmdmlvr to sex [link] [comments]


2020.09.15 10:53 TheRealNathanIsMe Back To Bedrock [Semi-Vanilla] [SMP] {Java} {Mature 18+} {Whitelisted} {Community-Driven} {1.16.3}

Hello, and thank you for your interest in the B2B server
If you are an adult looking for a place to relax and enjoy Minecraft without childish behavior ruining the experience, welcome! With that said, we expect practical jokes, pranks and the like to be played. If you are overly sensitive, then this isn't the server for you.
About the server The server is based out of France (Gravelines) and provided by our own dedicated server. We are a Java server running the latest PaperMC with a few changes in order to bring it back as close to the original vanilla as possible while maintaining many of the benefits of running Spigot. This is a randomly generated survival map, with a few plugin concessions made only to facilitate administration, grief prevention and overall community integration. The game difficulty is set to hard and PVP will be enabled with the intent that it is used for consensual purposes and not griefing.
What kind of players are we We are all adult players with normal lives who just happen to like Minecraft because it is relaxing and fun. We understand that people come and go, that motivation goes up and down. We joke and laugh and respect each other. We also try to get together regularly (on Discord) and do things together in game (minigames, base tours etc). The current average age is well above 25 at the moment.
What kind of server is this We promote a low stress community atmosphere, where we can take our time, think before we act, and have fun together! We respect each other and our differences. We act and communicate responsibly and take responsibility for our actions in game. It is a server free from griefing, thieving and moderators. We want you to help us make a tight knit community of fun-loving Minecrafters.
Game altering features: ✔️ TreeAssist (toggleable). ✔️ Enderman do not pick up blocks. ✔️ Ender Dragon drops Elytra and Egg. ✔️ Husks have sand on their drop table. ✔️ Worldborder with a 10,000 block radius. ✔️ Fire spread from lightning is turned off. ✔️ Shulkers will drop 2 shulker shells upon death. ✔️ Mobs have a slim chance of dropping their head. ✔️ Ability to rotate and edit the parts of an armour stand. ✔️ Drowned have a very slim chance of dropping a trident even if not wearing one. ✔️ Trash items have a despawn timer of 2 minutes to prevent excessive ground items. ✔️ Loot inside Treasure chests will respawn between 12 hours and 2 days (one person can only loot once).
Light-weight add-ons: ✔️ 3 hour AFK limit. ✔️ Slime chunk finder. ✔️ Single player sleep. ✔️ An online world map (Dynmap). ✔️ Discord integration (chat with people in game from Discord).
Things we most likely will never implement: ❌ MCMmo. ❌ Landclaiming & container protection. ❌ Teleporting & warping. ❌ Setting homes.

Here are some simple criteria for being accepted:

Things that DO NOT matter:

Things that DO matter:

We have a strict zero tolerance policy, players doing any of these things will be removed from our community permanently. We don't want our members feeling cheated or abused, so we aren't going to lower the bar just to keep a person around. Recognizing a fine line however is important. I am specifically talking about pranks and jokes. We have many on this server now who like to welcome new players with some practical jokes - the end state of course being that you conducted yourself admirably through it all and you end up rewarded.
 
Server specs: • We dedicate 10GB of RAM to the server. • We have a 1TB SSD memory. • We use a GigaBit connection with an unlimited amount of bandwidth.
All this will ensure people all around the world can expect no lagg while playing on our server!
 
To apply, fill in the following and post it.
1. Age: 2. IGN: 3. What brings you to our community? 4. What are some of your goals for this server? 5. What type of player are you? 6. Tell us a little about yourself. 7. IP: play.backtobedrock.com 
Lastly, do yourself the favor of getting Discord and really becoming a part of the community. The people here are friendly, and will be happy to give you a tour of things on the server. The link to our Discord server will be given in game because we only want actual players on the server.
 
No Reddit account? Apply here.
submitted by TheRealNathanIsMe to mcservers [link] [comments]


2020.09.11 19:36 shadowkhaleesi [Xbox][NA] Join The Greyish Manes!

[XBOX][NA]
GREYISH MANES
A gummy bear, avocado, and bitmoji walk into a bar. And the rest is history!
Welcome to Greyish Manes - a casual, social, adult (21+) gaming community that loves to talk about anything from ESO builds and theorycrafting, to the correct way to build a taco (note: the aforementioned avocado is a touchy subject). We are based on the principle of "Play Your Way". This means no matter what play style you prefer, whether you enjoy the rich lore, optimizing your toon for end-game vet trials, or just want to relax and go fishing with friends - you will find something here for you. And we’re all adults here, so we know that first and foremost, real life always comes first - no judgement. This is our guild, but it is your experience. We foster a casual, respectful environment - and look forward to having you join us on our adventures (which may or may not include running off a cliff en masse in Wrothgar… )
We currently have nearly 300 members and growing fast!
Weekly Events
Join Us On Discord
In-game, find us in the guild finder, or send us an in-game mail for an invite:
Shadowkhaleesi
sonicXruns
RedHawthorn
submitted by shadowkhaleesi to ESOGuilds [link] [comments]


2020.09.09 20:15 seoexpert129 What’s the Best Cuckold Sites to Find Hotwife?

Well, the cuckolding world is exciting and its only here, where you’ll get men getting other female partners and dominating them as their wives watch in pleasure or disgust. And this fetish is ever getting popular since many people are now open-minded when it comes to their sexuality. Also, there are many websites in the market to cater to the needs of the population who love this alternative lifestyle. Therefore, whether you want a cuckold, a bull, or a hotwife, then these cuckold websites will cater to your needs.
Well, below are the top sites to find your best match:
  1. AdultFriendFinder
When it comes to finding the best hotwife, then no other site can beat this top choice. This is the best source for finding a hotwife and gives you a variety of choices from studs to doms, submissive, fems, cuckolds, bulls, and hot wives. Also, you can browse through categories and share your stories here.
There are also basic and premium membership; if you want over 40 features then sign up to a premium package. Overall, this site is the best and with over 80 million members, you will enjoy real hotwife dating.
  1. BiCupid
BiCupid takes the second spot on our list and is one of the best sites for getting a hotwife. It’s the oldest dating site and has over 2.3 million members including singles and couples. It is also safe, easy to use, and maintains the privacy and anonymity of its users.
  1. FetLife
Well, if you have a hot wife fetish, then this is the right sight to go. And here, you will discover many female partners and add them as friends or initiate conversations. It also features community discussions, forums, or attend events which you can attend near your area. Finally, it has over 5 million members and the number keeps growing each day.
Well, if you want a hot wife to spice your bedroom experience, then you’ll never go wrong with these sites on http://www.cuckolddatingsites.org. Here you can exude your masculine side and dominate the hotwife as your partner enjoys the experience.
submitted by seoexpert129 to u/seoexpert129 [link] [comments]


2020.09.08 21:34 ChallengeMurky Am I being cheated on or am I just irrational?

I can't get rid of this sick to my stomach feeling that my partner of 6+ years has cheated or has reached out to someone. He lied to me at the beginning of the relationship and seems to tell little lies or straight up gaslight me when he just wants to avoid confrontation and conversation. I can't tell if I'm still paranoid/untrustworthy or if I have a real reason to feel this way. I know the more I've questioned him and asked him and the more he's looked me in the face and said he'd never do anything has only made him more aware of how he uses his phone and how he browses the internet. Sometimes I check his phone. I know I shouldn't. I did it. Gmail uses targeted ads now and right there at the top of his inbox was an ad for an adult friend finder website. I asked him about it and he said he'd never do that to me ever. He doesn't why it would be there. I know he watches porn. Am I crazy that I can't shake this feeling that Google doesn't lie or could it just have been picked up from some sleazy porn website and that's why it's being advertised to him. I feel so sick and obsessed and like I'll never know the truth and like I could be with someone who's a total stranger. He has a lot of freedom at work to rome around LA all day and I'm imagining that he's been with escorts. I don't know how to find out. I don't know what to do.
submitted by ChallengeMurky to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.08 21:18 ChallengeMurky Gmail advertisements

I can't get rid of this sick to my stomach feeling that my partner of 6+ years has cheated or has reached out to someone. He lied to me at the beginning of the relationship and seems to tell little lies or straight up gaslight me when he just wants to avoid confrontation and conversation. I can't tell if I'm still paranoid/untrustworthy or if I have a real reason to feel this way. I know the more I've questioned him and asked him and the more he's looked me in the face and said he'd never do anything has only made him more aware of how he uses his phone and how he browses the internet. Sometimes I check his phone. I know I shouldn't. I did it. Gmail uses targeted ads now and right there at the top of his inbox was an ad for an adult friend finder website. I asked him about it and he said he'd never do that to me ever. He doesn't why it would be there. I know he watches porn. Am I crazy that I can't shake this feeling that Google doesn't lie or could it just have been picked up from some sleazy porn website and that's why it's being advertised to him. I feel so sick and obsessed and like I'll never know the truth and like I could be with someone who's a total stranger. He has a lot of freedom at work to rome around LA all day and I'm imagining that he's been with escorts. I don't know how to find out. I don't know what to do.
submitted by ChallengeMurky to survivinginfidelity [link] [comments]


2020.09.08 19:54 JustPlumCrazy [H] [US] [Nazgrel / Nesingwary / Vek’nilash] Recruiting (and rebuilding) for Shadowlands

Hi everyone, I’m Vaehra, the GM of . We are a laid back, drama-free, adult guild looking to recruit new, current, and returning active players searching for a home for Shadowlands. Our goal is to rebuild a solid raid team for Castle Nathria’s opening, and return to being an AOTC guild.
This is a good time to join as we plan to restructure our raid days and times, and have a lot of important raid and guild spots to fill, as well as several of us looking to build mythic + teams. As such, we are recruiting all classes/roles. Raid tank spots are currently filled but we are taking other roles with tank off-specs for alt raids, to fill in if one of the others can’t make a raid night, and for M+.
accepts social players, raiders, friends and family. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been playing since vanilla, or are just starting and still figuring out your way through the game. Play what you enjoy and come learn with us.
We understand that sometimes life happens, whether it’s due to work, family, etc. There are no penalties if you decide to raid with us and can’t make every raid night. We are people-focused, rather than number-focused, preferring to get to know our members and provide a personable and social space to enjoy the game in. While adult language and good-natured teasing and humor is accepted in guild chat and discord, we do not condone harassment or toxicity of any kind and discourage bringing politics and religion into our chats.
Raid Days & Times:
Currently set for Wednesday 8pm to 10pm server (CST) and Friday 7pm to 10pm server (CST) - may change to meet the majority’s preference closer to raid release.
Requirements:
Discord for listening (talking is encouraged but not required) and for guild information
DBM
A good attitude, willingness to learn mechanics
What to Expect:
Normal and Heroic raiding with a goal of AOTC each raid tier
Mythic + groups aiming for Keystone Master
Torghast, old content transmog and achievement runs, guild lotteries and raffles
If you have any questions or are interested in joining, feel free to reply here, message me on Reddit, use the contact information below, or apply through the in-game guild finder.
Vaehra – Nazgrel / Narylka#2312 (Discord) / Narylka#1101 (BNet)
Kassena - Nazgrel / Kassena#8796 (Discord) / Creamy#1108 (BNet)
submitted by JustPlumCrazy to wowguilds [link] [comments]


2020.09.07 21:33 shanabailey Products that I did NOT add to database today (7.9.2020)

Products that I did NOT add to database today. Check image compilation: https://i.imgur.com/XSKn9z4.jpg . If you want to add an item to Couponsfromchina database, then click on "Add Product" button on https://couponsfromchina.com/
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submitted by shanabailey to couponsfromchina [link] [comments]


2020.09.06 18:09 TheRealNathanIsMe Back To Bedrock [Semi-Vanilla] [SMP] {Java} {Mature 18+} {Whitelisted} {Community-Driven} {1.16.2}

Hello, and thank you for your interest in the B2B server
If you are an adult looking for a place to relax and enjoy Minecraft without childish behavior ruining the experience, welcome! With that said, we expect practical jokes, pranks and the like to be played. If you are overly sensitive, then this isn't the server for you.
About the server The server is based out of France (Gravelines) and provided by our own dedicated server. We are a Java server running the latest PaperMC with a few changes in order to bring it back as close to the original vanilla as possible while maintaining many of the benefits of running Spigot. This is a randomly generated survival map, with a few plugin concessions made only to facilitate administration, grief prevention and overall community integration. The game difficulty is set to hard and PVP will be enabled with the intent that it is used for consensual purposes and not griefing.
What kind of players are we We are all adult players with normal lives who just happen to like Minecraft because it is relaxing and fun. We understand that people come and go, that motivation goes up and down. We joke and laugh and respect each other. We also try to get together regularly (on Discord) and do things together in game (minigames, base tours etc). The current average age is well above 25 at the moment.
What kind of server is this We promote a low stress community atmosphere, where we can take our time, think before we act, and have fun together! We respect each other and our differences. We act and communicate responsibly and take responsibility for our actions in game. It is a server free from griefing, thieving and moderators. We want you to help us make a tight knit community of fun-loving Minecrafters.
Game altering features: ✔️ TreeAssist (toggleable). ✔️ Enderman do not pick up blocks. ✔️ Ender Dragon drops Elytra and Egg. ✔️ Husks have sand on their drop table. ✔️ Worldborder with a 10,000 block radius. ✔️ Fire spread from lightning is turned off. ✔️ Shulkers will drop 2 shulker shells upon death. ✔️ Mobs have a slim chance of dropping their head. ✔️ Ability to rotate and edit the parts of an armour stand. ✔️ Drowned have a very slim chance of dropping a trident even if not wearing one. ✔️ Trash items have a despawn timer of 2 minutes to prevent excessive ground items. ✔️ Loot inside Treasure chests will respawn between 12 hours and 2 days (one person can only loot once).
Light-weight add-ons: ✔️ 3 hour AFK limit. ✔️ Slime chunk finder. ✔️ Single player sleep. ✔️ An online world map (Dynmap). ✔️ Discord integration (chat with people in game from Discord).
Things we most likely will never implement: ❌ MCMmo. ❌ Landclaiming & container protection. ❌ Teleporting & warping. ❌ Setting homes.

Here are some simple criteria for being accepted:

Things that DO NOT matter:

Things that DO matter:

We have a strict zero tolerance policy, players doing any of these things will be removed from our community permanently. We don't want our members feeling cheated or abused, so we aren't going to lower the bar just to keep a person around. Recognizing a fine line however is important. I am specifically talking about pranks and jokes. We have many on this server now who like to welcome new players with some practical jokes - the end state of course being that you conducted yourself admirably through it all and you end up rewarded.
 
Server specs: • We dedicate 10GB of RAM to the server. • We have a 1TB SSD memory. • We use a GigaBit connection with an unlimited amount of bandwidth.
All this will ensure people all around the world can expect no lagg while playing on our server!
 
To apply, fill in the following and post it.
1. Age: 2. IGN: 3. What brings you to our community? 4. What are some of your goals for this server? 5. What type of player are you? 6. Tell us a little about yourself. 7. IP: play.backtobedrock.com 
Lastly, do yourself the favor of getting Discord and really becoming a part of the community. The people here are friendly, and will be happy to give you a tour of things on the server. The link to our Discord server will be given in game because we only want actual players on the server.
 
No Reddit account? Apply here.
submitted by TheRealNathanIsMe to mcservers [link] [comments]


2020.09.03 23:45 seoexpert129 How do you find Cuckoldfor Dating

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Alt
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submitted by seoexpert129 to u/seoexpert129 [link] [comments]


2020.09.02 01:26 batwingsoop Which one and why?

Signing up for either AdultFriendFinder or AshleyMadison, but not both.
I’m late 30’s M, married and have some degree of flexibility and free time but not infinite. Most interested in a FWB situation maybe a more traditional affair with all the feels with the right person. Just finished having an affair with someone I met IRL about 6 months ago. Don’t want to do the work affair thing ever again, that ended very messily.
I would really appreciate advice on which of these platforms would be better for me or which is just better in general.
Appreciate any helpful advice. Thanks
submitted by batwingsoop to adultery [link] [comments]


2020.08.31 23:36 Fancypalahniukquote [complete][86K][thriller/mystery]The Devil's Tunes

Looking for two to three beta readers. Happy to swap and provide feedback to anything. Majored in English and Flight Education. 10+ years in the army, and still in. Not what my story is about though.
My story is about Brayden Dosset, a man who loves his music and is an exceptionally gifted large predator exterminator, or specialist. He takes contract after contract proving every time that he is the ultimate predator until he’s asked to track down and eliminate a mysterious predatory animal that has been plaguing the town of Fayden, Alaska for some time. When finally meets the creature, his world is turned upside down and he begins to understand his true place in life.
If you're interested let me know!

First two sub chapters of the prologue:
1
Brayden was sitting in Mrs. Grahm’s office staring at his feet. He wanted to remove his dress shoes. He wanted to lose the black suit as well. And if he never saw the white dress shirt that was rubbing the back of his neck raw again, he’d be fine with that too. The person from social services that had purchased the ensemble for him had chosen a suit coat that was too short in the arms and his exposed wrists seem to itch for some reason. He hadn’t complained. Everyone was being nice to him. Too nice. He just wanted to be left alone. Everyone telling him that they would be there for him, that he could call anytime, made him feel itchier than the coat or shirt. He didn’t believe them. He didn’t think they meant him hardship or pain, but he knew they were in an awkward position, too; what to do with the last remaining member of a family tragically killed in a car crash.
The door opened and Mrs. Grahm stepped into the room followed by a black woman with a pantsuit, and an older looking man, wearing jeans and a button-down shirt, that Brayden thought he recognized but was unsure from where. The man glanced over at Brayden before taking a seat along the wall next to Mrs. Grahm’s desk. The woman stopped in front of Brayden and held out her hand.
“Brayden,” Mrs. Grahm said in her irritatingly high pitched, but very kind voice. “This is Mr. Benton and Mrs. Brunner.”
“It’s very nice to meet you,” Mrs. Brunner said sweetly.
Brayden smiled at her as best he could and took her outstretched hand, not wanting her to say what was inevitably coming next.
She took both of his in hers. “I’m sorry for your loss,” she half whispered. Brayden had heard that a lot in the past week.
“Mrs. Brunner is going to be taking care of your sister at Hazelbrook,” Mrs. Grahm continued.
“The best care,” Mrs. Brunner said. “I look forward to it, I was a good friend of your mother’s.”
Brayden nodded, but said nothing.
“Your parents outlined in their will that you’d both be going home with Mr. Benton and his wife, but due to the nature of your sister’s, uh,” she seemed to cast around for words, “ongoing injuries, we phoned Mrs. Brunner here and she said she’d be more than willing to act as a full-time aid to your sister. Mr. Benton will be taking you home with him, if you’d like.”
Brayden turned to Mr. Benton. He smirked sadly at Brayden and gave a little wave. The gesture amused Brayden some. He could tell the man was wildly uncomfortable in this place. Mrs. Grahm filled out some paperwork with the two adults. Brayden signed some of them as well. They discussed his finances and how his trust would work for him and his sister. Benton was quiet the whole time and so was Brayden.
Eventually Brayden followed Mr. Benton out to his truck. Brayden shut the door to the cab of the truck, and Mr. Benton held out his hand. “Jim,” he said.
Brayden shook it and said nothing. Jim Benton was digging into the pocket of his shirt. “I smoke,” he said. Brayden could tell. The smell in the truck was horrendous. “I don’t recommend it,” Jim continued, lighting a cigarette. “I’m really sorry about your family, kid,” Jim said. “Really am. Your parents were damn fine people.” He stowed the lighter in the cupholder of the truck. “Damn fine.”
Brayden nodded and stared out at the gray skies in front of the vehicle. Grand Forks was rarely gray in the summertime, but it was today.
“I was a good friend of your dad’s,” Jim said. “We were neighbors when you were little, before I moved out to the country. You remember that?”
Brayden realized why the man looked familiar. He remembered going to the man’s house for marshmallow roasts in his back yard. Remembered the man bringing him some sort of mush to put his thumb in when he was stung by a bee. He smiled a little. “I think I remember,” he said.
“It was a long time ago,” he said. “Your mom never liked me much, but she was always nice. She was a better judge of character than your dad.” He winked at Brayden before flicking ash from his cigarette out the window. “A damn good person. Anyway, your dad asked me to be you kids’s godfather. I’d have done anything for him, so I was happy to say yes. Just can’t believe he actually went through with all the paperwork. I never had kids of my own, and that lady got it wrong. My wife divorced me a few years back, so it’ll be just me. You sure you’re good with this? It’s really alright if you say no. I’ll give you a bed and a roof as long as you need one.”
Brayden didn’t have any grandparents and no uncles or aunts on his father’s side. His mother had one estranged aunt, that he’d only ever met once, and he was sure she’d never be coming back. He was ready to be in a house. Ready to try and go back to normal, but he was sure there would never be normal in his life again. He nodded. Jim nodded as well and started his truck. He began navigating his truck toward Gateway Drive and took it west towards the air force base. At the edge of town, he asked Brayden, “You like shooting?”
“Shooting?”
“Guns and stuff,” Jim clarified.
“I’ve never shot anything,” Brayden said, momentarily distracted from his grief by the idea.
“Is it something that interests you at all?”
“I don’t know,” Brayden said. “Maybe.”
“Well, that’ll be the first thing we start workin’ on then.”
2
“We don’t have to do this,” Jim said in his half growling voice.
Brayden rolled his eyes and drummed his fingers on the center console of Jim’s truck.
Jim lit a cigarette and put it to his lips. “I’m serious,” he pressed. “It’s your birthday. You’re twenty-two now, let’s go out and get you drunk and laid.”
“I’m not sure a gnarled old man in his sixties who smells like an ash tray is the best example of a wingman.”
“It’s not the worst one,” Jim said, shrugging. “All I’m saying is we could spend your birthday at the bars rather than killing coyotes.”
“Maybe if we were in Grand Forks, but we’re in the middle of nowhere Iowa, so I think we’re stuck. Let’s just make some money.”
Jim nodded. “Fine, but happy birthday anyway.”
“Thank you,” Brayden said, grinning and waving a hand dismissively though the air. “Now, can we please kill something.”
Jim nodded and pulled his truck towards a stand of trees just off the side of the road near the center of four massive farming fields. The two dismounted the older model Chevy and opened the doors to the back seat. Two bolt action rifles were in cradles where the back seats should have been and the two each extracted their own. They walked to the edge of the trees and stared out across the open fields.
“You wanna make the hide or do ya wanna make the range card?” Jim asked. “It’s your birthday, I’ll let you pick.”
“I’m worse at the range card. I’ll do that. Practice makes perfect and all.”
“Sounds good.”
Brayden began sketching the fields in front of him and, with the help of a range finder, he denoted several distance rings all the way out to 1000 yards. While he was making his sketch, Jim was humming to himself and using a machete to build a nest of branches and logs to hide themselves in as the sun began to set in the west.
Brayden finished his range card around the time that Jim had finished their hide. The two lay next to each other on pads they brought out from the truck and waited. They scanned the open fields in front of them with binoculars looking for the coyotes.
“Got something at 210 degrees,” Jim said. “By the creek over there.”
Brayden checked his compass and peered through his binoculars. “I got them,” he said. There were two deer grazing by a few stalks of corn that were somehow still standing in the flattened fields of late November.
“How far out?” Jim quizzed.
Brayden reached for his range finder, but Jim stopped him.
“No,” he said. “Use your eyes and your card.”
Brayden stared at the specks in the distance and eyed his card posted up on a branch to the left of his rifle. “Seven hundred yards,” Brayden said hesitantly.
Jim nodded at this. “Maybe seven-twenty. A fair piece.”
“A fair piece,” Brayden agreed.
Jim shouldered his rifle. “I’m going to drop the one on the left,” he said, adjusting the sights his rifle. “I want you to hit the one on the right high in the ass.”
“You don’t want me to kill it?” Brayden asked, swallowing. He knew the why, but he was still uncomfortable with the idea of intentionally making anything suffer.
“It’ll run,” Jim explained as Brayden shouldered his rifle. “And it’ll spread its blood around and give the area more scent to attract our other four-legged friends. Nothing beats bait. And don’t worry. It’ll only suffer for a few seconds. Let it make a few circles and then drop it.”
Brayden said nothing but eyed the deer on the right through his scope warily, but focused. The deer’s suffering was a means to an end, and it was a lucrative end. He adjusted the scope on his rifle.
“Hold high and right a little,” Jim instructed. “There’s not much wind, but there’s enough.”
Jim had trained him well over the years. Brayden had already factored this in. He flexed his right hand and gripped his rifle with a firm but controlled grip. “Set,” he half whispered to Jim.
“On the third,” Jim also whispered, focused on his own target. “Fire, fire, fire.
Brayden squeezed the trigger of his rifle at the same time as Jim. The deer on the left dropped at the same time as the deer on the right began to buck wildly as a hole opened up in its rear flank. It stumbled around in a jerking manner around its fellow while blood hemorrhaged from the open wound.
“You got it?” Jim asked.
Brayden was following the deer’s progress with his cross hairs. “I got it,” he whispered. He counted to ten and squeezed the trigger again and sent another bullet in front of a massive explosion of sound. The bullet caught the deer in the chest and folded it to twitching to the ground.
“There we go,” Jim said, taking up his binoculars again. “Now we wait.” He began to hack and cough.
Brayden didn’t like that cough. It was deep and guttural and sounded like there was liquid and phlegm of some sort built up inside of Jim’s aged body. “You smoke too much,” he suggested.
“Nonsense,” Jim said through hacks. “I’m fine. Just a cold or something.”
Brayden was pretty sure Jim had had this cold for a few months now. He shook his head and went back to scanning the fields before him.
“Ah, hell,” Jim said. Brayden glanced over at his partner and his heart began to beat a little harder. Jim was holding a handkerchief in his gloved hand. There were specks of red on the white fabric.
“That doesn’t look like a cold,” Brayden said quietly. “Let’s get you to the hospital.” He began to get up, but Jim held out a hand and stopped him.
“I’m not keeling over right now,” he said. “Let’s do this gig and then we can go.”
Brayden hesitated.
“Lay the fuck down,” Jim growled. “We’ve got money to earn.”
Brayden obeyed but kept one eye pinned on his partner.



Forgive the formatting. It didn't like being copied and pasted. Thanks for reading this far!
submitted by Fancypalahniukquote to BetaReaders [link] [comments]


2020.08.30 22:26 Sir_Cargon Reflecting on the Crystal Chronicles Remaster

Oh boy, how people love to get worked up over games. A few days after release, the interwebs are aflame with complaints of this game. Which I believe most are undeserved, and quite frankly, are a minority of people.
Let me start by saying I never played the original, but I did play on the DS by myself. I understand there are some die hard fans out there that are holding onto a product that came out in 2003. Let that sink in....2003. When it was very hard to implement online play on console, let alone GC. The GC was also big on multiplayer and family fun. Games in that era were meant to have places you visit more than once to extend gameplay. Now keep in mind Crystal Chronicles Remastered is exactly that; Remastered. Not a remake.
The game doesn't have couch co-op. It was mentioned well enough before release. Its up to the consumer to do their due diligence when it comes to a product they want, not the company. They know they were already catering to a niche market. How many people out there REALLY want couch co-op? When was the last time you could sit with multiple people in your house (especially now), and just game for hours? As an adult, its hard to find that time. When you do, you dont want to go anywhere. Its nice to be a fat slob at home, not have to get ready for company, and just hop in Discord.
Couch co-op serves no purpose in my life, like I'm sure is the case with many others. The multiplayer isn't 'broken' or 'gutted.' Keeping in mind that you are supposed to do multiple runs, just start your own lobby as 'multi' and change the tag as 'artifact hunting' so you don't miss out on loot. Invite friends to join or don't. You can get your stuff done when you host, and if you want to run again, just look for open lobbies. Very similar to part finders in MMOs. Other random players can just hop in and help, or you can do the same for them!
I see no reason to take my friends through cutscenes or go into towns together. Lets each do what we gotta do and then meet up for the dungeons. I see that as a more streamlined experience. Its already painful enough when you have to wait for people to collect their myrrh and answer their letter, just to get to the artifact selection screen.
One great feature that goes mostly unmentioned is the cross save function. You're telling me (if i buy the game on multiple consoles) I can play with my friends on ps4 and then play on my switch while laying in bed!? Then transfer back (via transer CODE) to the ps4 when they are available again? Heck yes!
Let's not forget the voice acting and music. Its not AAA quality, but its a nice change from reading boxes all the time. and there are some bangers in this game too.
All in all, this is a great experience for my friends in I. Its a great way for multiple friends to play something together as well, rather than just 2 doing this and 2 doing that. Like many others, Im having a blast with this $30 game!
Edit: For those still on about lack of couch co-op, did you forget how flipping expensive it was to have 4 people play together on the original!?
submitted by Sir_Cargon to crystalchronicles [link] [comments]


2020.08.30 13:49 TheRealNathanIsMe Back To Bedrock [Semi-Vanilla] [SMP] {Java} {Mature 18+} {Whitelisted} {Community-Driven} {1.16.2}

Hello, and thank you for your interest in the B2B server
If you are an adult looking for a place to relax and enjoy Minecraft without childish behavior ruining the experience, welcome! With that said, we expect practical jokes, pranks and the like to be played. If you are overly sensitive, then this isn't the server for you.
About the server The server is based out of France (Gravelines) and provided by our own dedicated server. We are a Java server running the latest PaperMC with a few changes in order to bring it back as close to the original vanilla as possible while maintaining many of the benefits of running Spigot. This is a randomly generated survival map, with a few plugin concessions made only to facilitate administration, grief prevention and overall community integration. The game difficulty is set to hard and PVP will be enabled with the intent that it is used for consensual purposes and not griefing.
What kind of players are we We are all adult players with normal lives who just happen to like Minecraft because it is relaxing and fun. We understand that people come and go, that motivation goes up and down. We joke and laugh and respect each other. We also try to get together regularly (on Discord) and do things together in game (minigames, base tours etc). The current average age is well above 25 at the moment.
What kind of server is this We promote a low stress community atmosphere, where we can take our time, think before we act, and have fun together! We respect each other and our differences. We act and communicate responsibly and take responsibility for our actions in game. It is a server free from griefing, thieving and moderators. We want you to help us make a tight knit community of fun-loving Minecrafters.
Game altering features: ✔️ TreeAssist (toggleable). ✔️ Enderman do not pick up blocks. ✔️ Ender Dragon drops Elytra and Egg. ✔️ Husks have sand on their drop table. ✔️ Worldborder with a 10,000 block radius. ✔️ Fire spread from lightning is turned off. ✔️ Shulkers will drop 2 shulker shells upon death. ✔️ Mobs have a slim chance of dropping their head. ✔️ Ability to rotate and edit the parts of an armour stand. ✔️ Drowned have a very slim chance of dropping a trident even if not wearing one. ✔️ Trash items have a despawn timer of 2 minutes to prevent excessive ground items. ✔️ Loot inside Treasure chests will respawn between 12 hours and 2 days (one person can only loot once).
Light-weight add-ons: ✔️ 3 hour AFK limit. ✔️ Slime chunk finder. ✔️ Single player sleep. ✔️ An online world map (Dynmap). ✔️ Discord integration (chat with people in game from Discord).
Things we most likely will never implement: ❌ MCMmo. ❌ Landclaiming & container protection. ❌ Teleporting & warping. ❌ Setting homes.

Here are some simple criteria for being accepted:

Things that DO NOT matter:

Things that DO matter:

We have a strict zero tolerance policy, players doing any of these things will be removed from our community permanently. We don't want our members feeling cheated or abused, so we aren't going to lower the bar just to keep a person around. Recognizing a fine line however is important. I am specifically talking about pranks and jokes. We have many on this server now who like to welcome new players with some practical jokes - the end state of course being that you conducted yourself admirably through it all and you end up rewarded.
 
Server specs: • We dedicate 10GB of RAM to the server. • We have a 1TB SSD memory. • We use a GigaBit connection with an unlimited amount of bandwidth.
All this will ensure people all around the world can expect no lagg while playing on our server!
 
To apply, fill in the following and post it.
1. Age: 2. IGN: 3. What brings you to our community? 4. What are some of your goals for this server? 5. What type of player are you? 6. Tell us a little about yourself. 7. IP: play.backtobedrock.com 
Lastly, do yourself the favor of getting Discord and really becoming a part of the community. The people here are friendly, and will be happy to give you a tour of things on the server. The link to our Discord server will be given in game because we only want actual players on the server.
 
No Reddit account? Apply here.
submitted by TheRealNathanIsMe to mcservers [link] [comments]


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